In one of my favorite excerpts from his book The Problem of Pain, C.S. Lewis explains God’s multifaceted love for His people by providing four different analogies:
- An artist’s love for his art
- A man’s love for his dog
- A father’s love for his son
- A man’s love for a woman
As an engineer, I can appreciate the first analogy. As a husband for three years and counting, I can appreciate the fourth. But most recently, as a new parent, I have started seriously reflecting on the third. Melody was barely born a little over 2 months ago, so I certainly will not pretend to know from experience the ins and outs of parenting. Nevertheless, as I mentally prepare for the lifelong dynamic journey that is parenting, I have already gleaned a few major insights that have helped me to better understand the heart of God.1
God’s Unconditional Love for His Children
As a father shows compassion for his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear Him.
Psalm 103:13
When I made my previous post, Melody was not yet born, and already, I wrote, “The joy, the excitement, the anticipation, the gratitude I feel for this child, this gift, is unexplainable.” On September 10th, 2026, the anticipation was replaced with elation. When we heard Melody’s first cry, and when we saw her and held her in our arms for the first time, we were overwhelmed with every good emotion. We both cried tears of true joy at the arrival of our Melody Joy! The love that we have for this child is unrivaled. It is distinct from the love that we have for one another — not necessarily greater, but undoubtedly distinct.
Just two days after Melody was born, in a moment, the inexplicable happiness I had been experiencing was overcome by crippling fear and anxiety as I pondered the thought of something bad happening to her, or even to Fior. I could hardly bear the thought of losing my infant daughter, or losing my wife and being left alone with my infant daughter. My tears of joy were turned to tears of utter fear.
I decided to reach out to a friend and mentor of mine who is one of the wisest Christians I have ever met. He shared his wisdom with me and made me feel much better. He said a lot of things, but probably the most relevant to this post in particular is what he said regarding the nature of my love for Melody versus the nature of my love for Fior. He pointed out to me that Melody was just two days old, not yet capable of doing anything, much less anything for me — incapable of obeying or disobeying, doing right or wrong, incapable of doing anything to earn my love, or to disappoint me in any way — and yet, I already loved her more than I could ever express in words.
What a thing to consider. My love for her was clearly not resulting from anything she had done. Instead, by default, as her father, I love her unconditionally. I love her with a love that will not fade with her wrongs, and will not grow with her rights. Note that this differs fundamentally from my love for Fior, who I met, gauged, courted, and eventually married, ultimately reaching an unconditional love somewhere along the way. It is clear that in at least this way, a father’s love for his child is unique.
The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.
John 1: 9-13
The Bible describes God as a loving Father, and tells us that those who believe in the name of Jesus are “born again,” “born of the Spirit,” “born of God,” given “the right to become children of God.” As a father myself, I can now say that I’ve gotten a glimpse of what it means to love your child. I have a long way to go before I will fully understand. But even just this glimpse has prompted me to consider how much greater God’s love must be for His children. God is infinitely greater than man. “He [is] the creator, we [are] the created,” as Lewis puts it. I cannot even fathom the depths of His love for us. To quantify His love for us, I’d need to multiply by infinity, and my calculator would read NaN.2 I have never felt more assured of God’s love for me as one of His children than I do right now, as I am assured of my own love for my child. Better yet, I am reminded of His love for me every single time I look at her. What a blessing she is!
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8: 38-39
God’s Laws, Rules and Statutes
Something even more profound follows — all of my actions and attitudes toward my children will “flow” out of my love for them. For example, when I put parameters and rules in place, it will not be because I just love rules, or because I want to “oppress” my children, but because I love my children, and I, as their mature, seasoned parent, know to a meaningful degree what is best for them. Of course, I will make mistakes in raising them, and I may not have a perfect knowledge of what is “best,” but the point remains. My actions and decisions, my rules and parameters, bedtimes, curfews, dress expectations, screen time limitations, are all driven by and derived from my love for them — for their good.
It is easy to see what follows — all of God’s actions and attitudes toward His children “flow” out of His love for them. For example, when He puts parameters and rules in place, it is not because He just loves rules, or because He just wants to oppress, but because He loves His children, only He doesn’t “try” to do what is best for them with a potential for failure, or with an imperfect knowledge of what is best. He knows exactly what they need.
“And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the Lord, which I am commanding you today for your good?
Deuteronomy 10: 12-13
The gap in knowledge, wisdom, and understanding between a child and their parent is quite significant. Children can metaphorically see a few feet ahead, but their parents have a “fuller view” of things. A child eats a donut, tastes the deliciousness, and wants five more. “What could go wrong? That was delicious, and I feel fine!” The parent sees the imminent stomach ache and says, “no, you can’t have more than one donut.” The child may feel angry, upset, even oppressed! But those feelings result from their limited vantage point. If they knew the stomach ache that awaited them, they would likely be content with their one donut. Further, they would appreciate the parent’s foresight and the parameters put in place to prevent them from harm.
How much larger is the gap in knowledge, wisdom, and understanding between God and His children? How much fuller is His view than ours, and in matters of life or death… in matters far more significant than donuts? Scripture tells us that the depths of His wisdom and knowledge is unsearchable, and warns us not to lean on our own flawed, limited understanding.
Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!
Romans 11:33
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5
God has put parameters in place primarily pertaining to our relationships — to our parents (honor your parents), to our neighbors (love your neighbor as yourself), to our enemies (love your enemies), to our spouses, to our children, to our leaders, and greatest of all, to Him. We want to get revenge; He tells us to turn the other cheek. We want to malign; He tells that the only things that should come out of our mouth are things useful for building others up. We want to harbor anger; He tells us to forgive without end, as we have been forgiven by Him.
We have the short view, but He has the long view. He knows what is objectively good, and what is good for each one of us, and His commands flow out of His own goodness and His love for us. Just as it serves a child well to listen to their parents’ commands for their own good, it serves us well to listen to Our Heavenly Father. The Bible even tells us that when we obey His commands, we show Him that we love Him.
If you love me, you will keep my commandments.
John 14:15
God’s Rebuke, Reproof and Discipline
I know a day is coming when Melody will have enough agency to either obey or disobey my commands. I can only tell her so much using words and warnings. Eventually, she will have to either trust me, or lean on her own understanding and face the potential (likely) consequences of her actions.
My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline
or be weary of his reproof,
for the Lord reproves him whom he loves,
as a father the son in whom he delights.
Proverbs 3: 11-12
Throughout scripture, God disciplines His people both actively and passively. By active discipline, I mean God “stepping in” and punishing His people, either by the sword (invasion by a foreign nation), or by famine, or by exile. By passive discipline, I mean God intentionally “stepping out” and giving His people what they desire, knowing well the natural consequences that await them. There are a good many examples in scripture, but one that sticks out to me comes from the book of 1 Samuel.
Then all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah and said to him, “Behold, you are old and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint for us a king to judge us like all the nations.” But the thing displeased Samuel when they said, “Give us a king to judge us.” And Samuel prayed to the Lord. And the Lord said to Samuel, “Obey the voice of the people in all that they say to you, for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected me from being king over them. According to all the deeds that they have done, from the day I brought them up out of Egypt even to this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are also doing to you. Now then, obey their voice; only you shall solemnly warn them and show them the ways of the king who shall reign over them.”
So Samuel told all the words of the Lord to the people who were asking for a king from him…
But the people refused to obey the voice of Samuel. And they said, “No! But there shall be a king over us, that we also may be like all the nations, and that our king may judge us and go out before us and fight our battles.” And when Samuel had heard all the words of the people, he repeated them in the ears of the Lord. And the Lord said to Samuel, “Obey their voice and make them a king.”
1 Samuel 8: 4-22
God was serving the role of king that the people wanted filled by a man, “that [they] also may be like all the nations.” God was their judge. God went out before them and fought their battles. But in their sin and short-sightedness, they desired to place their trust in man rather than in their God — a big mistake. Nevertheless, God told Samuel to give them what they wanted, and they made their choice — a human king — despite warnings of all the shortcomings and pitfalls of such a king. This led to 20 generations of disaster in Israel (read 1 and 2 Kings).
Thus says the Lord:
“Cursed is the man who trusts in man
and makes flesh his strength,
whose heart turns away from the Lord.
He is like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see any good come.
He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
in an uninhabited salt land.Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17: 5-8
As a parent, I will eventually have to discipline my children — sometimes actively, other times passively. Sometimes I will have to step in and punish, and other times I will have to step out and let them learn hard lessons by trial and error. It is certainly not something I am looking forward to, but it is something that will “flow” out of my love for them. I desire for them to learn and to know what is good for them and what is bad for them. If they will not take me at my word, then they will have to see for themselves. I will not be leaving them on their own to spite them, but to teach them.
Likewise, as the prior Proverb states, the Lord disciplines purposefully those whom He loves. It is not because He takes pleasure in punishment or rebuking, but because He desires to teach us and to transform us. He has a plan and a purpose for each one of us.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
Final Thoughts
To summarize, since becoming a parent just over two months ago, I have been reflecting frequently on my love for my daughter, on the rules and parameters Fior and I want to put in place for her, and on the need for us to take disciplinary action when she disobeys. I was blown away when my friend pointed out that my love for Melody is unconditional by default, and that she had done nothing to earn my love, and yet, there it was, realer than real. I then realized that as I brainstorm rules and parameters for her, each and every decision is motivated by my love for her and a desire for her good. Similarly, as I try to muster up the courage to discipline, I do so again motivated by my love for her and a desire for her good.
Scripture tells us that we who believe in Jesus have been given the right to become children of God. As His children, we are loved by Him unconditionally. His rules and parameters for us are motivated by His love for us and a desire for our ultimate good. Similarly, when he disciplines us, He does so again motivated by His love for us and a desire for our ultimate good.
Far from where I once was (not long ago), feeling anything but loved by God, even feeling despised, misunderstanding God’s purpose in rules, laws, and parameters, and being enraged at the thought of Him disciplining almost anyone for anything, I now, as a father myself, am just beginning to understand.
I know that He loves me, not because of anything I’ve done to earn His love, but because I am His child.
I know that He puts rules and parameters in place for my own good, flowing out of His love for me.
I know that He rebukes and disciplines me for my own good, flowing out of His love for me.
I, His child, have disobeyed, or transgressed, or sinned, countless times. The gospel tells me that He does not count up my wrongs or hold them against me, but that all of my sins were already paid for by Christ on the cross. And what better way to wrap up than to circle back to the exact verse that we started with?
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
Psalm 103: 11-13
Hallelujah! I am so grateful for these insights so early on in parenthood. I cannot wait to see what else the Lord will teach me in the years to come as a father and a husband.
My accuser, he may roar
of countless sins that I have done.
These I know, and thousands more.
Behold, my God, He knows not one!
Praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord
Now and forevermore, my heart confess,
“Christ is all my righteousness,”
Christ is all my righteousness!
Run and Run, Matt Boswell and Matt Papa
- Note that every analogy is just that — an analogy. They all fall apart somewhere. Lewis mentions this to preface his four analogies as well. They serve to give insights, but by no means am I attempting to make a 1:1 comparison of my love for Melody to God’s love for us. ↩︎
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NaN ↩︎
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