King of Hearts

In just a couple of weeks, our sweet baby girl, Melody Joy Skelly, will be here with us. As I reflect on the past year or so, I am unspeakably grateful for the way the Lord has worked to change my heart and my perspective with regards to having children. This post tells the story of how that happened. Hallelujah!

I was in the middle of earning my master’s degree at UNLV when Fior and I first met in May, 2021. We were pretty obviously into each other right away. There was mutual attraction, plenty of flirting, and long conversations through which we discovered that we sincerely agreed on just about everything — world view, politics, faith, music, favorite foods and TV shows, fear of the rides at the top of the Stratosphere, etc.

At that time, marriage was one of the last things on my mind. Even further down the list was the thought of having children. Fior, on the other hand, had been desiring marriage and children since long before we met. I was not necessarily opposed to marriage — I simply hadn’t thought much about it. I was, however, very opposed to having children during school. This was one of the first things we disagreed about. Nonetheless, despite our disagreement, we carried on, and in just over a month, we entered into a pretty serious relationship.

That fall, I was wrapping up my master’s thesis and, honestly, I was not sure what was next for me. Would I stay in Las Vegas and start working? Electrical/electronics engineering jobs in Las Vegas were (and still are) quite scarce. Would I apply to PhD programs?

I taught Circuits I at UNLV for the first time in the spring of 2022 and had the time of my life, which sparked my desire to ultimately become a professor. To keep a long story short, following this rewarding and encouraging teaching experience, I decided to apply for PhD programs, and (shockingly) got accepted into Stanford University, my dream school, after reluctantly applying. I began attending Stanford in September, 2022.

When I left for Stanford, Fior and I were still dating and going strong, but not quite engaged yet. By this time, we had spent many long hours talking about marriage and children. I was eventually open to (and even excited about) the idea of marriage, but I was very adamant about waiting to have kids until I finished school. There were a couple of reasons for this, but one of the main reasons was that I truly did not think it was even remotely possible. I had just spent 5.5 years in the electrical engineering program at UNLV, working and studying nearly every day, including weekends, from morning until late evening (and often well into the next morning) with effectively no time for fun, no time for fitness, and barely enough time to eat and sleep. And this was UNLV… for undergraduate, and for a master’s degree. What on earth might the time commitment look like at Stanford for a PhD? I figured marriage alone would be plenty challenging, but adding kids into the mix, too? No shot. It simply sounded impossible to me.

At some point in my life, I realized that willingly having children has to be one of the most selfless things a person can ever do. When you have a child (intentionally), you are opting to pour nearly all of your own time and resources into another person — the child. That is, by the very definition of the word, selfless. Now, as a follower of Christ, I want to embody the virtue of selflessness just as much as the next guy. The problem, I thought, is that children do require your time and your resources, and as a graduate student, you typically have very little time, and very few resources, to go around. Even if I wanted children, to me, at that time, it was simply impractical.

I previously said, “Even if I wanted children…” I feel it is important here to state plainly that I did not want children anyway at that time. I did not feel ready at all. I saw them as an additional burden more than anything, especially in the midst of school, which was burdensome enough on its own. Sure, it seemed impractical. But even had it been practical, I would have found some other excuse.

“What the heart desires, the will chooses, and the mind later justifies.”

In just the first couple of months of the PhD, I realized that the time commitment was not nearly as bad as I had imagined it would be. It would ultimately be more like a 9-to-5 job than it was like my time in undergraduate at UNLV. Encouraged, I decided to propose to Fior at the end of my very first quarter, and we wound up getting married just 8 months later on August 11, 2023. We moved into Stanford together to start my second year of school at the end of that August. The time commitment required for the PhD remained very reasonable and manageable, and has never put even the slightest strain on our marriage even to this day.

Fior and I had previously agreed that we would wait until I finished school to have kids. It was never easy for Fior, but we were “in agreement.” Once we were married, it became even more difficult for her. Work and career were never her aspirations — she always wanted to be a wife and a mom, and as we later discovered, she had never really separated one from the other mentally. She just always envisioned herself being both a wife and a mom. She always imagined that children would follow soon after marriage — not 5-7 years after, and not well into her 30s.

As a result, throughout the first couple of years of our marriage, there was almost a constant lingering tension between us. I’m not exaggerating when I say that every time Fior saw a baby, heard a baby, thought about a baby — she would get very sad. The details are not super important, but it become a huge problem and drew a sizable wedge between us. There was even a time when Fior was almost perpetually sad, even depressed. Every time I saw a baby, heard a baby, thought about a baby — I would get very annoyed, because to me, they represented (or at least reminded me of) the tension between us. Eventually, I resented children.

We had the same discussions over and over again, and over and over, I repeated, “It just isn’t practical right now.”

She would ask me, “Are you praying about this? Are you bringing it before the Lord?” And I would answer, “Yes, I am. It just isn’t practical right now.”

It was true. I was “praying about it.” I would say, “God, this isn’t practical right now. I pray that you would help Fior to see that.”

One day, probably one of the final times we had a negative discussion about kids, Fior asked me, “Have you ever asked God what He wants? Have you asked Him what His will is for us in this area of our lives?” My response was, “Of course I have. He also doesn’t want us to be impractical.”

In the New Testament, we get some key insights regarding our prayers and what they ought to look like. Jesus teaches us that while way may lay our own requests before God, we must ultimately trust that God is sovereign, and His ways and thoughts are higher than our own. We acknowledge that by praying, “not my will, but thy will be done.”

And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”

Luke 22: 41-42

Pray then like this:

“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Matthew 6: 9-10

I recall a very particular moment (some time in the middle of 2025, though I’m not sure exactly when it was) in which I begin to truly reflect on what Fior had asked me: “Have you brought this before the Lord?” Being honest with myself for perhaps the first time, I realized that I had never once asked God what He actually thought, or what He wanted, or for the revelation of His will, or for His guidance, or His input. I was only going to God to ask Him to confirm my own will — what I wanted, and what I thought was “practical.”

I remember thinking, what if God actually does desire to give us kids now? After all, the Bible teaches that children are a gift from God.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
    the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
    are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
    who fills his quiver with them!

Psalm 127: 3-5

Additionally, God calls us to trust Him even when things may seem “impractical.” I’m certain that some of God’s people did not think it was “practical” to take down Jericho by marching around its walls over and over again for days (Joshua 6), but they trusted Him, and did as He commanded them, and the walls fell, just like He said they would. If, for whatever reason, God did want to give us children in the midst of my PhD, certainly, I could trust that He would not abandon us in that endeavor. Certainly, I could trust that in His sovereignty, He must have a purpose for His timing.

I recall feeling compelled to pray again, but this time, much differently from all the previous times. I said something along the lines of, “God, this really, really doesn’t seem practical to me. However, if this is something that you want for us right now, please make that clear to me. I want to do what you want, because I trust you. I also love Fior, and I want to be selfless. I want to put her needs and desires before my own. Please help me figure out what to do.”

Not long after praying this prayer, one of the students in my research group announced that he and his wife were having a baby soon. I jumped on the opportunity to talk to him about it a bit over lunch, and I asked him how he planned to manage it. I remember him telling me that perhaps one the best times to have a baby is in the midst of graduate school, largely because the flexibility of the graduate student life (especially once you have completed your coursework) is typically superior to any flexibility you may have in the workplace once you have a full time job. As PhD students, we have effectively no set schedule, we have 24-hour access to our research lab and office space, and so we can go in and work at nights and on weekends if and when necessary. We can work from home. We are typically working at our own independent pace.¹

This was the first nugget of encouragement I received. This was the first time I had ever heard this perspective, and it made a ton of sense to me. I had only ever thought about how difficult it would be to manage school, marriage, and a child all at once. However, as I mentioned previously, the PhD (in my personal experience) had turned out to be typically no more demanding than a 9-to-5. Again, it was nothing like my time in undergrad, which was grueling. I thought, how different would it really be to have a child in the midst of a 9-to-5-like PhD, versus having a child in the midst of a 9-to-5 job? Perhaps, not all that different. Hmmm….

Shortly after that, I took a summer internship (2025) at Advanced Energy. One of my bosses, a former PhD student in my own advisor’s research group, invited Fior and I over to his house for dinner. We met his wife and his many children, and they told us that they had their first child right at the beginning of his PhD. Still shaped by my lingering fears, I again wondered, “How the heck did he manage that?” So, I asked. He said that his advisor (who, again, is also my advisor) was/is very understanding, and that perhaps one of the best times to have a baby is in the midst of graduate school, largely because the flexibility of the graduate student life is typically superior to any flexibility you may have in the workplace once you have a full time job.

Now, they probably did not both say what they said in those exact terms, but the gist of what they said was pretty darn similar. This was now the second time I had heard this perspective, and again, it made a ton of sense to me. And even better yet, he gave me encouragement that his own advisor, who happens to also be my own advisor, was very understanding of students having kids during their PhDs. These were the second and third nuggets of encouragement I received. Not only had I never considered the flexibility of the graduate student life as a huge plus, but I also happened to have landed in a research group with an advisor who was very understanding of his students having children. What was so “impractical” before was beginning to sound much more practical than I had ever imagined.

To be honest, I was quite overwhelmed. I knew that I had prayed, but I don’t think I expected God to actually answer. I certainly didn’t expect Him to answer quickly and directly, leaving me with no ground to claim “impracticality” any longer.

Supposing We Really Found Him?

It is always shocking to meet life where we thought we were alone. ‘Look out!’ we cry, ‘it’s alive‘. And therefore this is the very point at which so many draw back — I would have done so myself if I could — and proceed no further with Christianity. An ‘impersonal God’ — well and good. A subjective God of beauty, truth and goodness, inside our own heads — better still. A formless life-force surging through us, a vast power which we can tap — best of all. But God Himself, alive, pulling at the other end of the cord, perhaps approaching at an infinite speed, the hunter, king, husband — that is quite another matter. There comes a moment when the children who have been playing at burglars hush suddenly: was that a real footstep in the hall? There comes a moment when people who have been dabbling in religion (‘Man’s search for God!’) suddenly draw back. Supposing we really found Him? We never meant it to come to that! Worse still, supposing He had found us?

C.S. Lewis, Miracles

Following these events, I prayed again, sort of awestruck. But I did want to be sure that I wasn’t making a big mistake. I said something like, “God, I am starting to see that this may not be quite as “impractical” as I may have thought. Please, if you can make it any clearer, confirm that this is what you want for Fior and I. If this is what you have for us, then I trust you.”

The details are becoming increasingly vague, but I received many more bits of encouragement, one after another. One of my best friends announced to me that he and his wife were having a baby, and they could not be more excited. Seeing babies suddenly stopped annoying me, and even started producing positive feelings inside of me. I knew that this was God’s confirmation — an answer to my second prayer.

Even with all of that, I was terrified to tell Fior. I knew that once I told her what had happened, there was no turning back. Even with all the encouragement and confirmation from the Lord, I was paralyzed with fear and doubt. I specifically recall feeling physically paralyzed the evening that I wanted to tell Fior that I was willing to start trying to have kids. I was standing, pacing in our studio apartment, periodically hiding from Fior so she wouldn’t see the absolute panic and anxiety I was wearing all over my face. I think she even asked me what the heck was going on, and what was wrong with me, because I was acting so bizarre. I was so full of emotion, uncertainty, nervousness, and every other synonym for anxiety that you can think of. I am not exaggerating when I say that my heart rate had to be above 140 bpm, just STANDING STILL, doing nothing but thinking, and questioning, and doubting.

I remember in the whirlwind of worry, with my heart rate elevated beyond comprehension, saying one final prayer. I said something like, “God, this is it. Please, in this moment, just confirm it for me one last time. I know there is no going back.”

I felt the strongest urge to sit Fior down, to explain all that had happened, and to tell her that I was ready to commit to trying to have children.

I know this post is long, but even in this many words, I cannot properly express the absolute shock that I knew Fior was about to experience. Though I have taken the reader through the gradual process of my changing perspective and attitude, I left Fior entirely unaware throughout that whole process because I never wanted to give her a false sense of hope.

I remember deeply breathing, sitting her down on the couch, and telling her that I had been thinking, and that I had been praying, and that I decided that I was ready to start trying to have children. She was immediately overwhelmed with a flood of emotions — shock, joy, confusion, laughter, you name it. She burst into tears, and so did I. We were crying, and laughing, and hugging. It was a remarkable moment in our marriage, and I will never forget it.

Equally as important, it was a remarkable moment in my faith journey. I heard all throughout my life that God is capable of “changing people’s hearts.” I never really knew what that meant. Upon reflection, I now know exactly what it means, and I have experienced it first hand.

Fior is now 37 weeks pregnant as of yesterday, and as I mentioned at the beginning of the post, baby Melody will be with us so soon. The joy, the excitement, the anticipation, the gratitude I feel for this child, this gift, is unexplainable. At the beginning of last year, if you told me Fior would be 37 weeks pregnant on August 30, 2026, I would have had a heart attack. Today, my heart is overflowing with love and excitement. The highest praise be to the King of Hearts.

1. This has been my personal experience. The experience of the PhD is largely advisor-dependent. I happen to have a very laid back, hands-off advisor, which has been enormous for my marriage, work-life balance, and will now be enormous for parenthood. I understand that this is not the case or all PhD students. I am very grateful for my advisor and his advising style for these reasons. ↩︎